In addition to the basic methods of cognitive therapy, I want to add "substitution" as another method.

"Substitution" is taking an irrational core belief, finding what utilities might be causing you to hold onto that belief, and discovering a new belief that provides a similar utility but is more useful to happiness.

For example, I have the core belief that "conflict should be avoided." This belief has caused me much pain by making me unnecessarily passive and unassertive. It has gotten to the point where I fall into dysphoria because I'm so concerned that my decisions will be met with the resistance and disapproval of others. The thing is, conflict is inevitable. All relationships cannot ever have perfectly matching interests, and so therefore it is expected that interests will be against each other, and someone will be hurt.

Telling myself that "it is okay that my actions hurt others" is difficult to swallow in some ways because avoiding conflict has been my way of being likeable and having friends.

So, in trying to undo the belief that I should avoid conflict, a substituted core belief would then be, "it is important to be nice." So while it is okay that my actions will hurt others, it is still important for me to be friendly and compassionate. If someone makes a request of me that is unreasonable, I can politely say no.

I came to understand the importance of substitution when I was initially undoing my conflict-avoidance belief. Initially, I started to be "conflict-seeking" and unnecessarily mean since all of a sudden it became okay to hurt others. This caused me problems, and almost made me want to revert back to "conflict-avoidance" until I decided to install a "be nice" imperative.

So changing core beliefs through cognitive therapy is like changing flat tires on a car. When you take off one tire, make sure you replace it with working spare tire so that you can keep on going about in good spirits.